Uncategorized

Rockin’ Again


It’s been a long time since I visited this blog, and if anyone suggests that I forgot I will take immediate offence as only a Rockin’ 50 can – like a two-year-old with 48 years experience.

It should be clear that a Rockin’ 50 never forgets anything, they merely suffer from lack of interest, enthusiasm, or both.  The other thing you need to watch out for is people suggesting that you didn’t hear.  Regardless of whether this is true, you must respond to that heinous accusation with the greatest possible indignation and condemnation, nothing else will do.  And do not fall into the trap of suggesting that other people mutter, the only possible reason for failing to hear is that you were thinking deep thoughts of momentous importance at the time and your mind was on greater things.

The young will try these ageing tactics on you, and there is no need to fall foul of them, but you must defend yourself like a ninja, okay a ninja with a few more aches and pains than the younger generation tend to have but a ninja nonetheless.  And remember, you can make up in guile and resourcefulness (cheating) for any physical deficiencies, but never, ever, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, put any ache or pain down to anything but hard living, partying, and extreme sports.  That or your time in MI6 or the CIA, neither of which you can talk about obviously.

The defence to accusations of hearing issues is simple and effective, when next in a room with the younger generation move your mouth as if speaking but make no noise, then leave.  That will cause a certain amount of confusion amongst the young, which is our best weapon.  It’s very difficult to smack someone when you can’t remember where your spectacles are and could easily land up hitting a wall.  This does not look good and is, quite frankly, ageing.  However, causing confusion has long-term positive effects because it makes them scared to question you.

More nefarious shenanigans tomorrow.

 

 

 

Uncategorized

Reasons Not to Exercise (and one very good reason why you should)


I wanted to address the idea of exercise today because being a Rockin’ 50 myself I know it’s a great idea that got lost amongst work, shopping and the kids, and not something many embrace with enthusiasm.  Partly due to the fear that someone might see that your waist is wider, your chest is lower, your stomach is more outy and your butt is now two rear knees.

I embrace the idea of exercise very well, the problem is that I also embrace the fact of procrastination and if I’m honest I’m far better at the procrastination.  However, in the interests of this blog I’ve investigated exercise at great length and given due consideration to all the latest fads and fashions.

I tried distance running and thought I was doing very well until someone told me that 10 feet wasn’t impressive.  So I gave that up on the grounds that the suggested distances were practically international.  France is only 3k from London isn’t it?

I thought about interval training but discovered that this didn’t mean going to the gym every 3rd month, something I’m really good at.  I passed out during the explanation of what it actually entailed and practically had to be resuscitated, so I gave that up in advance.

Then there was my foray into yoga, which was just embarrassing because whilst the others were putting their foot over their heads with ease even a rope over a pulley with three burly men tugging on it couldn’t get my ankle past my knee.

Pilates went well except that laying on the floor doing these very small movements very slowly just gave me time to worry about things that didn’t matter; when told to contact my abs they wouldn’t speak to me on the grounds of years of neglect.  Plus I fell over doing a balancing exercise that involved both feet firmly on the ground and the support of a wall, and I cannot bear the long-suffering look on the faces of instructors when that sort of thing happens.

Weight lifting was a problem because lifting my butt out of a chair didn’t qualify.  The wheels came off Step when I didn’t realise that a cat had laid down on top of it and I nearly spiflicated myself in order to save a treasured life.

Skipping made me look like a torturer’s victim, especially the rope burns around the throat – goodness knows how I did that – and trust me when I tell you that dangly crystal earrings and skipping ropes are not a good mix and I’m not giving up my earrings!  The stilettos are a killer too.

With kettle bells apparently it’s wisest to keep a good grip because having the mirrors in the fitness studio replaced is expensive and they don’t let you back in after you’ve narrowly missed the instructors head with 4kg of solid iron.  Personal trainers apparently want you not just to pay them but answer the door when they turn up, which is a huge obstacle to the idea of theoretically doing the right thing whilst not meaning a word of it.  You just can’t answer the door to a fitness instructor with a slice of cake in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other.  They frown on that.

Then I discovered martial arts (all right I was thrown into the room by my husband – true story).

I am the least likely martial artist in the world.  When I first walked into a training hall, or Dojang, I’d never done anything that couldn’t be done in 3″ heels.  I spent the first year of my training with every hair sprayed in place and wouldn’t punch anyone if I wasn’t wearing mascara.  The training costume, Dobok, made me look like a bin bag tied in the middle, but the “aren’t you slim” comments when I wasn’t wearing it made that all worthwhile.  So I tried “all I really need to do is put on something that makes me look fat, take it off and look slim and fit” theory on my husband as a get out clause, but it didn’t work.

However, I loved it, I went twice a week and instead of going wobbly at the thought of exercising I went wobbly if I couldn’t go.  Sadly, just before I was due to take my 2nd Dan something ruined it for me and as I never found an instructor half as good as mine, so I had to give up.

This was followed by Zumba which I love but which I have several good reasons for not doing again: shape of the car park; time of classes; heat; cold; darkness; best time for tea/writing/attacks of indifference/laziness outbreak, and so on.  I refuse to admit that often I forget it’s Tuesday or 6.30 pm, or both.

However, or even butt, one of the things I’ve noticed since I turned fifty is that where fitness used to be an option it’s now more of a necessity.  Having spent 49 years getting this face and body to peak gorgeousness I suddenly found myself in a place where that gorgeousness needed to travel back north.

I also found, and don’t tell a soul, that I was starting to ‘ooof’ when getting in and out of chairs and as we Rockers know we can’t have that.  Taking all this into consideration, and wanting to avoid two rear knees, I’ve realised that whilst exercise is important you will only do it if you enjoy it.  So what do you enjoy?

  • If you enjoy the pub then choose one a distance away, walk there and enjoy one or two drinks and walk back; don’t undo the benefits with calories.
  • If you enjoy music and dance then Zumba or FitStep might float your boat, or you could try Ballroom and Latin, Salsa, or the Lindy Hop if you think you’ll survive.
  • If you like the water then walk or run by the water; same goes for trees, hills, beaches and so on. Walk and run where you like to be.
  • If you feel the need to walk or run but don’t really want to, try going out for 10 minutes and then turning round and coming back, increase your speed slowly going further and further every 10 minutes.
  • If you really want to try the gym and know you might as well throw money away then go the extra mile and pay a personal trainer, they’ll nag but you might find that you won’t let them down so you will go. Getting one that’s eye candy also guarantees at least 3 weeks attendance.
  • If you’re not fit then a Wii Fit is brilliant, it’s fun, easy and a good way to get started, providing you do it in bare feet or wear grippy socks otherwise it’s a good way to get to the emergency room. And beware of cats, dogs and rabbits.

For the men:

 

  • If you like footie then get a group of mates together for a fun kick-about, you can play together nicely in the park and you don’t have to be David Beckenham or Ryan Biggs (wasn’t he a train robber, or was that Ronnie Giggs?).
  • Men seem to enjoy riding bikes so get a push bike and a group of mates together and cycle to the nearest pub. This will be a brilliant for your fitness because you won’t dare have more than two beers otherwise on the way home you might wobble, break suddenly, slide forwards hard, and then you’ll fit right in at Zumba or FitStep.
  • You could also try shopping with your other half and running from store-to-store in front of him/her daring the staff behind the tills to take their credit card on pain of death. This will also help them as they will move much faster between shops trying to beat you.  Altruism rocks.

Other handy tips are:

If you have an upstairs and downstairs toilet in the house use the upstairs one when you’re downstairs and the downstairs one when you’re upstairs, except at night when it’s better for overall fitness if you make your way to the nearest exit point and don’t risk going downstairs the fast way – especially if you have black cats who sleep on stairs.

  • If you’ve never lifted a weight in your life use two tins of soup and work out a bit whilst you’re watching TV.
  • Play music indoors and jig about enthusiastically. You could also dance along whilst you’re using the sucky thing to clean the carpets.
  • Park at the opposite end of the car park to the stops, you know you’ll get a space easier because everyone else is trying to get two cars into one space in order to avoid all those yards of exercise.

There are so many fun ways we can exercise, keep fitter and consequently work off stress (which is very ageing and wrinkle inducing).  Think about what you’d enjoy and then give it a whirl whilst telling yourself that you’re off out for some fun.  Don’t whatever you do mention the exercise word to yourself or you’ll spend your fun time laying down in the recovery position trying to get over the shock.

 

We owe it to the world to preserve our gorgeousness.

Happy toning and buffing

Deb

P.S. If you punch or kick a punch bag please remember two things, one it comes straight back at you and two, raw steak is good for black eyes! I’m not sure if it works anywhere else though.

We owe it to the world to preserve our gorgeousness.

Happy toning and buffing

Deb

P.S.  If you punch or kick a punch bag please remember two things, one it comes straight back at you and two, raw steak is good for black eyes!  I’m not sure if it works anywhere else though.

P.P.S.  Always consult your doctor before taking up any new fitness programme (they could do with the giggle).  No seriously, be careful especially if you have existing medical conditions.

 

Uncategorized

Thoughts of a Teenager


Dear Mum (and Dad, Gran, Grandpa)

I’m like totally down with having you guys in my life.  You seem like a great old bunch, bit fussy and pedantic sometimes but hey, I’m a Rockin’ teen and I’m quite capable of giving you a great view of my back and being careful to keep my long suffering look locked in until I get outside the house.  The tree in the front garden can confirm the number of long-suffering looks at your oldness.

You oldies are pretty great really compared to what some of my friends have to put up with, me an’ my bro are lucky I know that, but it gets really down (that’s down down not great down which means I’m up) when you guys start on about the dangers of this world and the need for a safe, well paid job, when I’m looking forward to my next night at a club and you’d be like totally freaked out about if you knew I’d ever been there (which you do now).

It’s a great place, I’m deaf and have a pounding headache for a few days after I’ve been and that’s why my college grades are a bit up and down, nothing to do with the hormone story I tell you, and I guess the pills and alcohol don’t mix well either but who cares, it’s worth it for the laughs and at least I’m not sitting indoors commenting on Corrie and like thinking it’s all real.  It’s not real guys, not like my life, that’s just too real for words.

My reason for writing to you is that I’m too scared to say this to your faces, and as I’m currently in France studying for my Geo-politics course (not…they have FANTASTIC clubs over here) it seemed like a safe time to tell you what I’m thinking.

You see I had a bit of a SHOCK the other day (no mother I’m not pregnant nor do I have an STD).

I capitalised it because it was a BIG shock, you see I was looking through your stuff for something I could wear to a retro party (were you really that skinny Mum?) and I found the family photograph albums.  “Yawn” I thought, and then a photo of our old dog Thumper fell out so I just had to put it back right ‘cos he was cool.

When I opened the book there were all kinds of old photos of you guys when you were young and even some of Granny and Grandpa when you and Dad were little.    Granny didn’t look much older than me when she was holding Dad.  You all looked so happy and alive, you were smiling these huge smiles in all the photos and in one you were in this tiny bikini I’d never get into and Dad was running down the beach with you in his arms.  You were like size zero or something and your boobs were all small and perky and up by your shoulders.

You looked happy and alive and now you look tired and bored.  Sorry but you do.  All the time bored.  “What shall we watch on TV?”  “I don’t care, you choose.”  I listen and think, why are you watching TV if you don’t care about it?  Sometimes it seems your whole life is about “I don’t care you choose”, not just TV but eating, eating out, shopping, everything.  And don’t get me started on hair (can’t be bothered to fuss with it) and make up (so old it’s drier than the Sahara).

I hope I don’t get like that, I want to want to always want to care and choose.

Then the other day I was passing your bedroom Mum and you were standing in front of the mirror and you looked so sad.  You were holding a roll of fat around your waist and trying to lift it up.  Then you leaned in and looked at the crows feet round your eyes and no matter how hard you pulled or lifted they wouldn’t go.  I know Dad says that he loves your “love rolls” and “laughter lines” and I know you say that you lost your figure having me and my bro and you wouldn’t change it for the world and I get that, but it does make you sad, I saw it.

Do you know why I was scared of a photograph album Mum?  It was because of everything you’ve lost.  Dad looked so fit running down the beach with you, and all that hair…where did it go?  Grandpa was looking at Granny holding Dad and he was so happy and smiling, and he looked quite fit under that suit.  Is it okay to say that about your Grandpa?

Granny was beautiful, her hair was all wavy and glossy, and she was wearing these impossibly high heels.  I wouldn’t dare try them now, not even when I wasn’t drunk (which I never am I hold my alcohol quite well…does that make you feel better?).

Where did you guys go?  I am sooo scared that I’m going to disappear to the same place and never find my way back like you guys.  Tell me, was it okay getting there?  Did having kids make up for everything?  Was the house worth all the hours work, and is driving a great car compensation for your waistline?  I really want to know.

What made you get so bored that all you do is watch TV?  That your only hobby is food shopping and you haven’t seen a film since Rock Hudson was young and good looking (and straight)?  What happened and was it okay?

It scares me Mum that I’m not going to be able to weed the garden because I can’t kneel, or because my back won’t take it.  It frightens me that me and my bro will be peering over a pair of glasses trying to see what’s listed in the TV magazines and look at the TV at the same time.  I don’t want high blood pressure and cholesterol and blood sugar and the stuff you guys keep talking about.  I don’t want aches and pains and missing teeth and not to be able to bite into an apple.  How do I avoid it Mum?  Please!!!!

I hope I haven’t upset you but I just want to know how to get older without saying “In my day…” as I ‘ooof’ trying to get out of the armchair, I want every day to be my day, a day I own because I’m in the here and now loving it.  Tell me how to do that Mum, or Dad, Granny, Grandpa…anyone.  You guys are all I have to ask and the only people I can watch to help me work this out.

Show me what to do

You’re loving daughter Abby

(P.S.  and Pleeeeze don’t criticise my grammer and tell me it should be whom not who…or my spelling because I’ve never been able to spell grammer/grammar but I can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…I think…so I’m not that bad.)

“Abby where are you?”

“Up here love”

“What are you doing?”

“I was just looking for an outfit for Nicole’s retro party at school and I found a letter I wrote to my mum when I was at uni.”

“What’s it about?”

“A shopping list”

Shopping List

Gym membership

Recipe book with proper meals in it

Hairdresser (URGENT…call mum and take her with me)

Holiday brochures

Cinema list

Fit and buff personal trainer  (male)

Find out which are the best local restaurants

List of local events and groups

Contact lenses

Cool sunglasses with varifocal lenses

High heeled shoes (very high)

Extremely fit young male gardener

Ageing · Confidence · Fitness · Rockin' 50s · Youthfullness

Preserving our Gorgeousness


I wanted to address the idea of exercise today because being a Rockin’ 50 myself I know it’s a great idea that got lost amongst work, shopping and the kids, and not something many embrace with enthusiasm.  Partly due to the fear that someone might see that your waist is wider, your chest is lower, your stomach is more outy and your butt is now two rear knees.

I embrace the idea of exercise very well, the problem is that I also embrace the fact of procrastination and if I’m honest I’m far better at the procrastination.  However, in the interests of this blog I’ve investigated exercise at great length and given due consideration to all the latest fads and fashions.

I tried distance running and thought I was doing very well until someone told me that 10 feet wasn’t impressive.  So I gave that up on the grounds that the suggested distances were practically international.

I thought about interval training but discovered that this didn’t mean going to the gym every 3rd month, something I’m really good at.  I passed out during the explanation of what it actually entailed and practically had to be resuscitated, and gave that up in advance.

Then there was my foray into yoga, which was just embarrassing because whilst the others were putting their foot over their heads with seemingly great ease even a rope over a pulley with three burly men tugging on it couldn’t get my ankle past my knee.

Pilates went well except that laying on the floor doing these very small movements very slowly just gave me time to worry about things that didn’t matter; when told to contact my abs they wouldn’t speak to me on the grounds of years of neglect.  Plus I fell over doing a balancing exercise that involved both feet firmly on the ground and the support of a wall, and I cannot bear the long-suffering look on the faces of instructors when that sort of thing happens.

Weight lifting was a problem because lifting my butt out of a chair didn’t qualify.  The wheels came off Step when I didn’t realise that a cat had laid down on top of it and I nearly spiflicated myself in order to save a treasured life.  Skipping made me look like a torturers victim, especially the rope burns around the throat – goodness knows how I did that – and trust me when I tell you that dangly crystal earrings and skipping ropes are not a good mix and I’m not giving up my earrings!

With kettle bells apparently it’s wisest to keep a good grip because having the mirrors in the fitness studio replaced is expensive and they don’t let you back in after you’ve narrowly missed the instructors head with 4kg of solid iron.  Personal trainers apparently want you not just to pay them but turn up, and that just didn’t work for me.  Then I discovered martial arts (all right I was thrown into the room by my husband).

I am the least likely martial artist in the world.  When I first walked into a training hall, or Dojang, I’d never done anything that couldn’t be done in 3″ heels.  I spent the first year of my training with every hair sprayed in place and wouldn’t punch anyone if I wasn’t wearing mascara.  The training costume, Dobok, made me look like a bin bag tied in the middle, but the “aren’t you slim” comments when I wasn’t wearing it made that all worthwhile.  So I tried “all I really need to do is put on something that makes me look fat, take it off and look slim” theory on my husband but it didn’t work!

However, I loved it, I went twice a week and instead of going wobbly at the thought of exercising I went wobbly if I couldn’t go.  Sadly, just before I was due to take my 2nd Dan something ruined it for me and as I never found an instructor half as good I had to give up.

This was followed by Zumba and the latest craze of FitStep, both of which I love but both of which I have several external reasons for not doing again: shape of the car park; time of classes; heat; cold; darkness; best time for tea, and so on.

However, or even butt, one of the things I’ve noticed since I turned fifty is that where fitness used to be an option it’s now more of a necessity.  Having spent 49 years getting this face and body to peak gorgeousness I suddenly found myself in a place where that gorgeousness needed to travel back north.

I also found, and don’t tell a soul, that I was starting to ‘ooof’ when getting in and out of chairs and as we Rockers know we can’t have that.  Taking all this into consideration, and wanting to avoid two rear knees, I’ve realised that whilst exercise is important you will only do it if you enjoy it.  So what do you enjoy?

If you enjoy the pub then choose one a distance away, walk there and enjoy one or two drinks and walk back; don’t undo the benefits with calories.

  • If you enjoy music and dance then Zumba or FitStep might float your boat, or you could try Ballroom and Latin, Salsa, or the Lindy Hop if you think you’ll survive.
  • If you like the water then walk or run by the water; same goes for trees, hills, beaches and so on.  Walk and run where you like to be.
  • If you feel the need to walk or run but don’t really want to, try going out for 10 minutes and then turning round and coming back, increase your speed slowly going further and further every 10 minutes.
  • If you really want to try the gym and know you might as well throw money away then go the extra mile and pay a personal trainer, they’ll nag but you might find that you won’t let them down so you will go.
  • If you’re not fit then a Wii Fit is brilliant, it’s fun, easy and a good way to get started, providing you do it in bare feet or wear grippy socks otherwise it’s a good way to get to the emergency room.  And beware of cats, dogs and rabbits.

For the men:

If you like footie then get a group of mates together for a fun kick-about, you can play together nicely in the park and you don’t have to be great.  Think Brazilian, they still have great potential but you can probably do better than that now!

  • Men seem to enjoy riding bikes so get a push bike and a group of mates together and cycle to the nearest pub.  This will be a brilliant for your fitness because you won’t dare have more than two beers otherwise on the way home you might wobble, break suddenly, slide forwards hard and then you’ll fit right in at Zumba or FitStep.
  • You could also try shopping with your other half and running from store-to-store in front of him/her daring the staff behind the tills to take their credit card on pain of death.  This will also help them as they will move much faster between shops trying to beat you.  Altruism rocks.

Other handy tips are:

If you have an upstairs and downstairs toilet in the house use the upstairs one when you’re downstairs and the downstairs one when you’re upstairs, except at night when it’s better for overall fitness if you make your way to the nearest exit point and don’t risk going downstairs the fast way – especially if you have black cats who sleep on stairs.

  • If you’ve never lifted a weight in your life use two tins of soup and work out a bit whilst you’re watching TV.
  • Play music indoors and jig about enthusiastically.  You could also dance along whilst you’re using the sucky thing to clean the carpets.
  • Park at the opposite end of the car park to the stops, you know you’ll get a space easier because everyone else is trying to get two cars into one space in order to avoid all that exercise.

There are so many fun ways we can exercise, keep fitter and consequently work off stress.  Think about what you’d enjoy and then give it a whirl whilst telling yourself that you’re off out for some fun and avoiding the E word at all costs.  We owe it to the world to preserve our gorgeousness.

Happy buffing

Deb

P.S.  If you punch or kick a punch bag please remember two things, one it comes straight back at you and two raw steak is good for black eyes!

AS ALWAYS IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE UP A NEW FORM OF EXERCISE CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR PRIOR TO UNDERTAKING THAT CRAZY ACTIVITY!

Ageing · Youthfullness

Beetles are Creepy Crawlies!


50s RockinIf you want to retain your aura of youthfulness NEVER put the word ‘the’ in front of Beatles, NEVER capitalise Beatles, and claim never to have heard of any musical groups prior to Take That, who are still going and therefore hip and happening.

Your musical tastes are a terrible give away on the wrinkly scale and you have to have a comeback should you slip and admit that you remember Elvis Presley when he was still thrusting and grinding.  Firstly, your parents raised you on the music.  Secondly, you only mentioned Elvis because you were at a recent tribute show in the company of other 30-somethings.

Other pitfalls to be avoided are your dance style.  You DO NOT do Rock ‘n Roll you do Salsa, the Lindy Hop is what you do when a Linda drives over your foot in her car, the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B is something you first danced to after you saw Torvill and Dean on their TV Show!  Never slip up and admit that you remember Sarajevo even if the hairs on the back of your neck stand up every time you hear the Bolero.

Music and dance are a minefield for us Goldies (I think it’s better for our credibility if I link Golden and Oldies into Goldies) and we need to avoid talking about both until such times as we’re clued up to whose twerking and tweeting on the musical scale these days.

There is of course one very good way to make sure that we are staying hip and happening and that hip injuries are not happening, and that’s to make sure that we stay modern, relevant and clued up to all the new things that life has to offer.

In order to stay young at heart and inspired of ears and twinkle toes, we need to step outside the box we created at the age of 16 and train our ears to newer sounds.  Thankfully Collabro won Britain’s Got Talent so at the moment we can be bang on relevant and understand a word that’s being sung.  However, it will be necessary to study the more youthful music and dance providers in great detail in order to remain youthful and relevant musically speaking and avoid doing our version of the birdie dance on the dance floor.  From now on we Twerk with the best of them even if we do put our backs out!

Get out there, explore all that’s new in entertainment, refuse to get stuck in a rut, and remember that a little dancing goes a long way towards fitness.  It’s that or the gym!  Shake that baggy butt and remember that there should be a perky dividing line between your thighs and your butt and one twerk shouldn’t leave your derriere jiggling for 10 more minutes while you chuck down a beer and remember how to breathe.

The other thing to avoid is mentioning 1950’s movie stars unless they’ve just died or remarried.  I cannot stress this strongly enough, but you remember no one younger than Tom Cruise, which is pushing it a bit as he’s a Rockin’ 50 but as an unknowing honorary member of this club it wouldn’t be fair to dismiss him.  Plus we should all be able to run like he can at this age without getting a hernia.  Yes Tom Cruise is okay because he’s inspirationally fit and can still pull women whose boobs point north.

So the message is, pick your film and TV stars with care and make sure that they’re inspirationally fit and youthful.  Worshipping any star over the age of 50 who isn’t inspirationally fit and youthful is a betrayal of the code punishable by being shut in a room for 24 hours having to watch the One Direction film over and over again.  You see, even my punishments are hip, happening and bang on trend.

Although I would never normally recommend Botox, if you do find it difficult to upgrade your music collection without breaking into a violent frown and screaming “my ears my ears!” Botox will help.  It will numb your features sufficiently for you to look unmoved and contemplative whilst listening to the hip happening music.

You can also avoid screaming by listening to the music for a couple of days before you attempt that feat in public, by this time you will have screamed so loudly and often that you won’t have a functioning voice available for another two or three days.  That or you could try abseiling off a cliff, that’s a pretty good scream if ever there was one.

It’s worth noting that you can really drive your teenage children crazy by keeping up with the latest musical trends and attending their concerts with them.  You can make up for so much stress by dressing like a 17 year old, storming the stage, snogging One Direction and giving them a shout out as you’re dragged away by several burly security guards.  The look on their faces will be well worth the night in prison and 200 hours community service.  Plus if you grab a handful of Harry Styles’ hair you can sell it on Ebay for a frickin’ fortune.

So the message is, upgrade your musical tastes, keep up-to-date with the latest films and TV programmes, develop a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch (which means you’ll still be able to watch Sherlock Holmes) and you’re pretty much able to side step the minefield  of media oldism and sound at least two decades younger than you really are.  You might even start feeling it rather than channeling out-of-touch grumpy-ism every time someone puts on anything made before 1978.

Today’s helpful advice:  If you do find it difficult to listen to modern music ear plugs are available at any reputable high street chemist, but hide them well otherwise you’re going to have to pretend they’re hearing aids and that is very ageing.

(Mental note:  Find out the name of another modern group and/or a second name of a member of One Direction)

Deb

Achieving your dreams · Ageing · Confidence · Rockin' 50s · Youthfullness

The “Ooof” Factor


You know the sound, the one older people make when they drop into or fall out of a chair?  The one you are NEVER going to make.  As of now you have to take the oath:

“I do solemnly swear that I will observe all people older than me, note all the signs of ageing and then commit myself to do none of those things and fight venerability, respectability, caution and all forms of stiffness with a vengeance.  If necessary I will give my face and body regular sticky-tape lifts and fill in my cracks with plaster, but I will NOT ever ‘ooof’ when I get up or down, bend or stretch, pick up a pencil or fall off a cliff.  Should I ever fall off a cliff I will be a) drunk as a Lord, b) youthfully dressed, c) beautifully made up and d) I will scream like a 20 year old at a One Direction shindig.”

Did I say shindig?

Anyway, ignoring that ageing language lapse and moving on.  Let’s examine our oath in close detail (if you’re going to put your reading glasses on do it properly and DO NOT peer myopically over the top of your lenses, that is against the law of youthfulness…ooooh we need laws!)

Swearing is pretty much okay as real swear words don’t change much, okay the young perhaps use the fornicate word more than we did, but we’ve been using it all our lives and are therefore hip and with it.

Although we can get a few aches and pains as we get older we must never forget that with a sensible approach and the advice of a doctor we can remain fit and flexible.  Therefore the legendary stiffness we associate with age can be butt kicked out of sight by a good yoga teacher and a Golden Oldie willing to let a much younger person put your limbs in places they haven’t seen since you were 3 months old and no one had told you that you weren’t bendy.

Okay, we might not want to be sticky-taping our lower areas that used to be our higher areas to the higher areas that used to be north of our face, but again a bit of fitness might encourage a generally northern-ish movement in various facets of our body.  Gravity can and must be fought.

When it comes to wrinkles the men need not worry as they are wisdom lines and therefore, along with your grey hair, make you look wisdomous and attractive (i.e. rich enough to bag a babe).  However, for us dames…I meant girls…it’s a bit different and that’s where expensive creams and good cosmetics come into play.

If you want surgical intervention, your nether regions to become your chin, and a cleft chin on the back of your head, that’s pretty much up to you, but I think the wisdom of a lifetime would tell us that it doesn’t matter how many parts you have lifted you’ll still be 42 no matter what you do.  Forty two being the age we will be until it’s patently ridiculous to be it and then we will be 99 and no one will know how old we are.  After all, 42 is the meaning of life and it’s okay to know that because there was a recent film update of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide”.

One pitfall you must avoid at all costs ladies, and that’s to have a cosmetics bag full of congealed make up that you apply with a good outline of 1960’s (literally) black eyeliner.  It’s important to keep up with the latest looks and colours and adapt them to your own unique and individual look in a sensibly youthful way.

Although a lot of this is cosmetic I admit it, by the same token making sure that you like what you see in a mirror is critical to feeling youthful.  We do not ever want to fake it until we become it, we’re golden, we’re youthful and we are it already.

As to you boys, who traditionally don’t resort to make up to cover the cracks how can you halt the course of ageing?

By doing something!  Anything!  I hear a lot of men saying that they don’t dance but what the heck is wrong with holding your wife close and giving her a twirl around a dance floor.  You might even get fit as long as you don’t try a lift and put something out (and I don’t mean her out the window in your enthusiasm to lift macho-ly higher than that guy 10 years younger than you).

You might even find that your wife likes you more if you take her out like you used to do when you were young, had no kids, and needed to keep her onside so that you didn’t get the big bedroom freeze-out.  I can absolutely promise you that there is nothing more ageing for a man than being nagged by a wife/partner who is bored out of her skull.

Bring some of that excitement back into her life that you used to be famous for, you might not be in your 20 year old shape but you are that same guy inside and you two used to like being together and having fun together.  A young, together, fun-loving older couple are definitely hip and the younger generation will marvel at you and aspire to be you.

Young man:  “They’re that old and they still like each other and laugh together…how do they do that?”

Young girl:    “Clearly he still goes out and has fun.  He’s not tied to his email and playing stupid computer games until 3 in the morning.  He’s cool!

Don’t tell your ladies but you could easily become the guy that all the younger men hate and all the young women twinkle at…but never under any circumstances notice those twinkles or you’ll get more than the bedroom freeze-out you’ll get the clothes in the yard in a pile of dog crap tornado!

Finally, returning to the falling off a cliff bizzo, the biggest danger of falling off a cliff when you’re not looking your best, and “oofing” like an oldie on the way down, arises from not wearing your specs and being unable to see the edge of the cliff.  Think contact lenses or cool designer sunglasses that have prescription lenses in them.

If Hollywood ‘royalty’ can wear sunglasses all year then so can we – they’re great wrinkle covers and a lot less worrying than a scalpel held in the hand of a surgeon of our age who’s peering myopically over the top of a pair of half glasses asking “am I anywhere near your eye?”  “Yes, but it’s the other eye!”

Suggestions to remain mobile:

Flexibility/Mobility:  Yoga and Tai Chi

Core Strength:          The gym or Pilates

Cardio:                      Aerobics/Water Aerobics; Zumba; Fitsteps

Sir Bruce Forsyth:     Does the Tibetan stretching routine “The Fountain of Youth”                                               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eszss36ZcPE

As with all fitness regimes consult your doctor before taking on anything new.

So…

Take the oath

Remember the oath

And if you do forget and “ooof” say you were asleep and dreaming about dogs

 

Deb

Ageing · Confidence · Rockin' 50s · Youthfullness

I Know I Used to Have a Memory but I Can’t Remember When

Age and memory huh? We know we’re supposed to lose it as we get older so lose it we do. We can’t remember names, faces, the titles of films particularly the one wotsit was in. You know him, he starred in that other film with the guy who used to be on tele and the woman who was married to thingy who I think has been in something with George Clooney.

I will admit that I had been buying into this myth of ageing and worrying that my mind wasn’t what it used to be, always assuming it wasn’t my poor memory telling me that I used to have a memory and in fact that memory was false because my memory was now so bad I really couldn’t remember.

However, I’m a bit of a bookworm and recently came across an old favourite – Tony Buzan – and his book on “The Age Heresy: Achieve More – Not Less – As You Get Older. Full details below (to make sure you remember to read all the way to the end).

I was delighted to discover that I do still have a memory capable of remembering and recalling lots of stuff, except where I put my glasses, why I’ve brought the jam upstairs instead of the washing, and why the cats are safely indoors and Tony is locked out in the garden.

The only difference between us and the younger generations is that we are seconds slower on recall because the mature mind is a repository of a great deal of information the young haven’t lived long enough to know, and when we want to remember something we have a great deal more sifting to do. Thereby also providing proof that the young don’t know everything yet otherwise they’d think slower.

Because I’m in my Rockin’ Rebellious 50’s I was not going to take the word of an internationally known author and expert in the field without running a proper scientific study with all the checks and balances thereby involved; but no scientists because I don’t know any. So I decided to do the ‘Credit Card Test’.

When I was young I had a memory like a computer and apart from being able to telephone every hospital in Greater London without looking up the number I could always quote my credit card number without looking at the card; then I got divorced and had to change credit cards.

This was rather a nuisance, but not one worth remarrying for, as I was going to have to have a new credit card and I was I older so remembering the long number across the middle would be impossible. Of course it was impossible because I’d fallen for the age myth and decided that it would be so, and the mind does as it’s told.

Flash forward 20 years and here I am deciding that now I’m going to remember that number. I felt extremely brave. “Can’t be too difficult” I thought because I’d seen it a million times over the past 20 years (sorry Tony I meant twenty or so times) so the number should be in there somewhere. I looked at it, I remembered it, job done, my mind was saved!

Two weeks later we discovered that our credit card provider’s computer systems have been hacked and we have to have a new credit card. I lifted up my eyes to the Universe from whence cometh my salvation and screamed “Are you freakin’ kidding me? I finally memorise the bleeping number and you bleeping do this to me!” I had to blame the Universe because I didn’t know the name of the hacker I needed to curse with halitosis and genital warts!

Two weeks after that – credit card-less and therefore bored on a Saturday – we received our new credit cards. With a heavy heart I looked at the number it would now take me a further 20 years to remember, and I remembered it straight away, security pin and all. I still do and this was well over a year ago.

In reading the Tony Buzan book which deals with a lot more than memory, I had deleted the programming that ageing requires a general deterioration of everything from your hair to your toenails; including a sagging of everything including your mind. I had now accepted into my reality that the brilliant memory I was born with hadn’t gone anywhere. It was right there in my head and all I needed to do was trust it.

The details of the book are:

“The Age Heresy: You Can Achieve More – Not Less – As You Get Older”.
Tony Buzan and Raymond Keen
Epub ISBN: 9781448116478
Published by Random House
First published in 1996

Happy reading and trust your own mind and not the trash talking negative belief systems with which we’re surrounded.

Happy Youthful Rebellion

Deb